Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
