Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
