those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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