I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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