your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
