After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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