yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
