So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
