I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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