dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
