You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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