my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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