new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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