I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize