Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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