My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
