You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
