Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
