new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize