I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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