As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
