3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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