i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
