We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
