i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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