that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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