I got chris browned last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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