So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
