I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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