didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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