shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
