just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
