bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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