She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
