apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
