you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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