Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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