Sober January is a disaster.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
