SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
