My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
