somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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