did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
