Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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