Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
