Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
