You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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