He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
