I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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