How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
