I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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