How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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