I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
