You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
