I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he wants to bone in the snuggie
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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