nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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