Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
