i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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