just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
