i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
