is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
