The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
