can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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