i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
