I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
