"it" just moved
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
