maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize