He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
