My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize