I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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