yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
