i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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