I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
