Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize