I've blown a few things in my day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
