i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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