are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
