Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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