So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
