If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
