My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
