I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
