Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
