I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize