the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
