My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
