I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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