You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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