Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
