He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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