When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
