you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There r osticjed everywhere
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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