I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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