Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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